So you remember when I said yesterday that I had some “straightening up” to do around the house before I refashioned that dress? To that I say, “Ha! Ha!” As it turns out, my supreme skills for both denial and procrastination led me to believe that “straightening up” was going to cover it. Again, ha, ha.

Nothing makes you feel like you are failing at life as an adult quite like cleaning out your refrigerator after it has been neglected for too long (I’m not exactly sure when the last time I scrubbed it down was). Not only did I find containers of mystery substances, I had to scrub mystery substances off of the shelves. So I thought I’d make a list of helpful cleaning tips for myself and for those of you who happen to also be cleaning challenged like me.

1. If a jar of maraschino cherries tips over in your refrigerator and some juice leaks out, make sure you wipe it up right away. If you do not, it will turn into sticky red cement and your hand will cramp up from scrubbing it.

2. If your significant other pulls a container of something out of the refrigerator and asks you what it is, and all you can do is shrug your shoulders, perhaps it is time to throw it away.

3. If the mystery substance in the container mentioned in helpful tip #2 is too frightening for you to open, just throw the whole thing away.

4. If you are vacuuming and you find some broken glass hidden under the couch (because your lovely boyfriend broke a glass THREE WEEKS AGO) and some of the pieces are too big to go into the vacuum, hit them with the vacuum so they break into smaller pieces and they’ll get sucked right up!

5. If vacuuming up dog hair tumble weeds from all of the corners in your house daily is getting too cumbersome, consider shaving* said dog. Otherwise it will be never-ending.

6. Make a cleaning calendar and then make a point to completely ignore it** so that when you actually get around to cleaning, the task is entirely overwhelming.

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I make my bed almost everyday. That counts for something, right?

Now, our house really isn’t gross. There are just some tasks that I hate doing. And apparently so does JW. So they get put off. And I’m getting much better at keeping my house clean. I know that some of you put there are total clean freaks. I’m jealous of you. I really am. I wish I felt more compelled to scrub and vacuum and mop and dust and pick up and oh, everything. I have a serious problem with procrastination too. Although, I have to say, being television-less is really helping. And now, I have a sparkling clean refrigerator and kitchen and relatively no cleaning to do tomorrow. So in my sparkling clean kitchen, I will be making salted caramel shortbread. And if I have time, I’ll start refashioning that dress.

*I’m not really shaving Bella. And you shouldn’t shave your dog either. Just vacuum everyday, lazy-ass!

**Don’t do this either. Make a cleaning calendar and follow it and then you can completely ignore all of the helpful tips I have laid out for you above. I’m working on it.

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